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Public Pad Latest text of pad pRPzJEy570 Saved Feb 10, 2013

 
     
Well, this is the official Legion of Nerds pad where we can vandalize everything everyone says IN REAL TIME!
FUCK YEAH
VALDISM?
POR FAVOR?
also, since this is persistent and basically a document, it works perhaps even better than a forum in some ways
YAAAH
 
This is now the Deep End pad, where we go nuts about anything.  Link this to weird people to see how far off the deep end we go!
 
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Now, for ACTUAL NERD BUSINESS:
WHAT IS IT, OTEND?
I HAVE NO IDEA!
HMM. WHY IS NO PONY BODY HERE?
 
 
Once upon a time, long ago, in a dimension not quite parellel to our own.
 
SIR CORPORAL DICKARMS CAME TO POWER!
 
And so Sir Corporal Dickarms used his mighty power to create a new world! And then he lost his dickarms. So sad. It really was. So anyways, the now Dickarmless Sir Corporal Dickarms used this mighty power to first make the shape of the first planet in which he would soon make a plethora of dick-armless children upon. The shape ended up being not a sphere, but a hypocube(WITH SEVEN SIDES)!  So this fabulous hypocube became the home to many dickarmless children who breathed life into the bodies of goats through their "arms" that were not in existence, but now replacing them are mothers.JK LOLOLOL. It was rabid monkey-squirrels that replaced their arms. So the rabid monkey-squirrel armed children used their magnificent arms to breath life into goats and make them horrifying ZOMBIE goats. Yes, these zombie goats soon became a big problem because they hate everything they set eyes upon, just like every other pre- and regular teen douchebag. :D They would speak much like those various versions of teens do on a network called "X-Box Live": in incoherent vocabulary and many insults towards one's race and their mothers. The children of this hypocubular planet felt violated by the zombie goats' threats against their mothers and their sexual well-being. 
So, they killed them all of by sacrificing them to their artificial, common-household volcano-Gods. But the zombie goats didn't care, the zombie coats didn't give a shit, so they came back to life and followed the leadership of the mighty Honey Badger who killed off all of the original Children of Sir Corporal Dickarms (now without his famous dickarms). Because he didn't give a fuck. Honey Badger do what he want. And so is the genesis of the world of the dickarmless and their horrible zombie goats. Their lives went on accepting the new undead goat overlords and learning to understand their culture and respect them as the horrible speaking animals they were. Throughout the years they would sacrifice their children to them to prevent them from eating them all. THE END!!!
 
 
NEXT STORY:
There once was a boy in a village. His name was Jill, named for the pervert from The Great Jill-Off. And his sister was, of course, Meradeth. Both of them had a set of bizarre fetishes after their first encounter with a monitor, a computer, and an internet connection. They were addicted to porn. Furry, tentacle, gay CHICKS WITH DICKS, gore-involving porn. It was a serious problem for them. They needed help. So, they went to go talk to the infamous Doctor Nittles about their "problems". He shot them. Because they were addicted to porn.  And it wasn't in his collection... of things to seed to other people for profit. So they soon found out that Doctor Nittles was actually a scary, vicious tentacle-using rapist! He grabbed them both and tied them to his radiator so he could GRAPE them in the mouth! For DECADES AND DECADES AND DECADES to >>cum<<! So then someone video taped this and tried to sell it as an advertisement scheme for a grape juice commercial for profit! The nerve of Doctor Nittles the Grapist in his giant purple suit, wanting to exploit these poor children for cash and sexual benefits, as well as upload credit.
 
As it turns out, this was not really Doctor Nittles.  It was Mr. Tittles (oh, now we do this), his evil twin brother who only appears after a certain concoction is ingested. Kinda like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, only worse. Because Mr. Tittles has shitting dick-nipples without tits. That's why his name is Mr. Tittles. So the commercial gets sold for one million dollars! *pinkie to lips*. Mr.Tittles now has the proper funding to open his own whore house... I mean brothel.  Created specifically for people with the depraved mind, he had whores of all shapes, sizes, and factors we cannot specify due to risk of being censored in various countries(And risk closing the ports of Madagascar. again)We mean Jews. So anyways, he makes this house of many whores(LOL) so that he can secretly video tape them in action and try to sell them for big bzns in hope of exploiting more torrenters for more upload credit so he can make BIGGER whore houses erect (Erect. LOL) out of the ground in all countries and states.  Yes, his ratio was high enough to force the world to change to BitTorrent ratio instead of a proper currency. He got so much reputation there that he convinced them to rename the service to TitBorrent for the LULZ! Now, with the new site name we first see a decrease in views, but in the next day, wait for it, BOOM! Multiple downloads and uploads cumming (hurr) everywhere (HURRR)! More seeds, more leachers, and more content for all! One step at a time Mr. Tittles was changing the world, from the downtown area of desperate men, to the internet for lulz all around.  The unfortunate side effect of this was the amount of increasingly depraved porn on the internet, created for the sole purpose of garnering more upload credit to compete with others. But then, Lamar wouldn't have it and claimed that this was breaking some law he hasn't made yet and goes to Congress saying we should arrest Mr. Tittles because he is a terrorist.  
Needless to say, his army of fetishistic freaks quickly assaulted the man, using him for even more depraved pornography for their own profit... which is in itself horrifying due to the fact that it means that someone DOWNLOADED it. Lamar being humilated on the Internet once again decides to finally step out of Congress making every American praise in joy! In the irony of it all, Mr. Tittles took his seat in Congress later on. 
And then Santorum. LOL. Mr. Tittles had a bigger picture in mind, even biggerGreater than the greatest question in the universe, the answer of which being 42. His penis wasn't satisfied with just Congress.  He wanted to make a coup d'etat on the US government! So he got his Internet army to help him take over the whole real military by hacking their guns using SQL injections. Who knew that the guns ran through a server online! So now the military march to DC to take down the president and put Mr. Tittles in power through the means of his joystick controller from the old days of gaming. He grew a Hitler mustache so he could give inspirational speeches and later turned the White House into the Whore House by editting the name like a boss. END OF STORY
 
New story?
 
There used to be some kid named Jude. He was depressed, so he tried to kill himself. ): It didn't work; his birth defect of lacking a neck made his hanging impractical So kids teased him and made fun of him. It was terrible.  However, Doctor Nottles had the treatment. He put the poor boy in a room all by himself with a flickering television, so as to turn the boy's depression into a deep, and untreatable madness. It worked. Jude, having been driven mad by the lonesome dark room and the black and white flickering screen of the tele, no longer knew himself as "Jude". He would not answer to it upon being called by Doctor Nottles. However, he responded infrequently to a varied number of names, such as Mister Freckles, Kaylin, Jeeves, and Mordacai. Eventually, when Doctor Nottles checked on the boy, he found that the tele had been smashed against the wall closest to the door, and that the child was no where to be found. He had escaped. Where he had gone was beyond Doctor Nottles. 
In reality, the child had turn back towards his old high school, where the very same children who had taunted him for his attempt at sucide were in current attendance. His plan: to eliminate them all, one by one, through lynching. Jude/Mister Freckles/Kaylin/Jeeves/Mordacai managed to get through half of the student body before he was once again located by Nottles. Nottles proceded to take him home, and forced him to marry a fairy princess name Jenefer. She became Jude's prized possession. The End.
 
 
 
There once was a boy named Todd. Todd was a very lonely child, his parents gave him up at birth and he was left in an abusive foster home where he was raped everyday, twice at the least. They made him do things he never even dreamt were possible. It was a miracle he got out without any STDs because of all the rape these sick people did to the children there. Soon came the day that he was able to be freed from the horrible place to live with a real family. They treated him the best they could, but knew something was a bit off with him. They took him to the doctor and they came back with some psychologial damage making him acutely insane and a bit sadistic. They asked him what brought on these odd behaviors from such a young child and he told his sad story to his parents. They looked at him with horrifying eyes as he progressed and explain in rich, vivid details of every sexually demining situations he was placed in. The wife looked to her husband and found him sporting a full on boner as the story went on, she was horrified, but did nothing to chastise him or make any direct notice to it. As Todd went on she too found herself getting a but aroused from it all and this time the husband noticed and got an idea. He picked up his wife, layed her on the couch and proceeded to engage in sexual intercourse right in front of Todd in the middle of his story. Todd looked in fear at them and immediately grabbed the sharpest object near him (being a letter opener) and jabbed it repeatedly into the man's back and ribs, but the man didn't falter in his drive to continue making sweet, sweet love to his wife who gazed upon in horror, but ectasy as well. Todd went into the kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife he could find and came back to see the wife going down on her husband with no shame at all. He poised above the man's dick and chopped it right off! But to his disbelief the woman did not stop sucking the thing while the man screamed blood murder. Todd was getting annoyed at
the man and finished him off without any second thoughts. The wife finally dropped the disembodied dick and tried to stop Todd, but he has had enough with this and shoved the knife down her throat! He came back from blacking out to see his new parents dead and bleeding from many angles. He weeped in their puddles of blood. Not tears of sorrow, but tears of joy. THE END!
 
Once, there was a man named John.  John was not an overly bright man, but his heart was in the right place.  As such, he accepted many things without criticism, including much in the field of alternative medicine.  His most frequently used medication was mutilating autistic children to cure his diabetes. And it didn't work, but he still thought they deserved it. that it did.  As such, he recommended it to his best friends.  Soon, the streets were covered in crawling autistic children with festering wounds.  Luckily, this was paid for by the insurance of the medicated, who were able to successfully pay off the many lawsuits incurred.
    John's next-best thing was kicking babies to predict the future.  His method was rather like a chicken fucking Santorum's aids hole with a greasy mix of chicken feed and maple syrup that spontaneously combusted after cumming into contact with a massive pile of pus from a broken anal cyst. There was blood EVERYWHERE. And when I say everywhere, I don't just mean a tickle of blood, this was a full on burst that literally painted the walls with dripping period blood. Suddenly Rick Santorum shot eighty-two year old boys (yes, 82 babies) in the head and tossed them unceremoniously into the back of his big gay van. He drove off in the big gay van blaring YMCA with the bass turned up to over 9000. When Santorum got to the lake he was driving to in his faggotmobile he skipped out merrily and cut off the leg of one of the boy and their dicks. He used the boy's foot as a condom to utterly rape the other boy's corpse until blood shot out of his teeth sideways and upside-down. It was beautifully executed, but to his surprise and utter defeat he turned his head 60 degrees to the right to see a camera that was lively displaying this on an internet chat room.
 
Wednesday night FBI agents pulled up in front of Rick Santorum's house. When Rick opened the door, one of the agents said "Mr. Santorum, is this your garden hose?" The FBI was holding up the entrails of one of the 8 year old boys he anally raped earlier by Jizz Lake. Santorum nodded yes when all of a sudden, the FBI agent (whose name was Frank) ripped off his skin and revealed the fact that he was half Sarah Palin half bear. (Grizzly bear. Black bears run away from you. Brown bears run AT YOU). The other agents followed suit as they all ripped off their skin in turn and began speaking in racial slurs. The pack of wild Palins laughed like hyenas as they tore off Rick Santorum's dick and chopped it up. Frank Palin pulled out a miniature grill from his ass and began searing Santorum's penis with cloves of garlic and filet mignon. The smell attracted hundreds of Etheopians from miles around who had never seen food, until today.it' They came at the disembodied dick and devoured it! But not until they all took turns licking the length of the thing right in Santorum's face... Nobody here understands how this is possible, but this turned Santorum on so much that you could fry an egg on him. If he did still have a dick, it would have been petrified from how much this turned him on. He became to grab the Sarah Palin bears and would begin to molest them, trying to get the ugly animals to commit the act of beastiality with him. 
 
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This next section is devoted to shoving music the others may like down the throats of the aforementioned others.
 
*thrust* http://youtu.be/yEns1nAcWSs (Phetsta - Run You Down) (dubstep)
(because you can't link right) http://youtube.com/watch?v=LkcZdhamaew (The Reign of Kindo - Nightingale) (jazz rock)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ed-crDtceJg (Worlds End Girlfriend - Birthday Resistance) (post-rock/various electronic genres/orchestral)
 
THROATSHOVE TIME ENDS AT THIS LINE
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This section is devoted to various horrifying things we find on the Internet.  NSFW status is implied.
...Okay, just for reference, here's the picture I was alluding to (slight NSFW warning, but nothing horribly severe): http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln1n7w15Wm1qapt7do1_500.jpg
http://youtu.be/kaxN_fHiSjo (not entirely NSFW images, but definitely not something to play on speakers for all hear)
 
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Have you ever fucked a penguin? It's quite exquisite. I remember one nice penguin I met at the aquarium once. I covered my dick in algae and watched as the eager penguin waddled over on his delicious feet towards my wonderfully erect red dick. The penguin opened his beak eagerly and chomped down on my algae covered cock and balls. The pain was intense and I'm sure I got an infection from this, which makes it all the more exciting. As the blood dripped from my girthy shaft the penguin kept trying to sever it from my crotch, the friction of his mouth causing me unbearable pleasure. A horde of nine year old girls had gathered around me to watch the penguin sex me, and they were all clapping their rib cages together. Suddenly the girls picked up a bucket of fish and spread the dirty rotten dead fish all over my naked body as they moaned and giggled. The smell of the decomposing halibut and trout sent me over the edge. A cute blonde girl wrapped her vagina over the end of my penis as I came mustard and relish all over the inside of her mouth and the penguin. The penguin came too. Suddenly, an aquarium security guard came over towards us. He was brandishing his nightstick at us all menacingly. I did a backflip as fast as I could and cunt punted the guard in the face. I began jamming his nightstick as far up his anus as possible,penetrating his skull with great force.
 
 
 
ASSBALLS
WE BE AT IT AGAIN!